For a number of reasons my mind has wandered to the likelihood of me finding that "special someone" in my life. I've come to the conclusion that I will, in all honesty, probably NEVER find them, and here's why: I am the "middle man".
I use that term not in the sense that I'm always hooking up other people and never get one for myself. In fact, I don't think I've EVER been the matchmaker. I use that term in describing my personality in comparison to everyone elses. For one reason or another my personality is something COMPLETELY different from anyone I've met before in life. Whether due to my childhood or just they way I was destined to be, I have no idea, but I do know that it's true. The simple fact is I am a medium of basically every major personality type. Due to this I'm a good friend for almost everyone but not someone anybody REALLY wants to date. This is why I've felt like I have "JUST A FRIEND" stamped on my forehead my whole life. I have dated, and I've even had a few girlfriends, but they didn't work out. Why? Because I wasn't QUITE what they wanted. I was mostly, or partially what they wanted, but not entirely. The way I but it: I'm too good for the bad girls. Too bad for the good girls. Too calm for the crazy girls. Too crazy for the calm girls. Too sane for the insane...well, you see my point. Up to this point in my life I've loved being who I am. I was always able to be the mediator in a situation and honestly see it from both sides, but now it's just getting annoying. I'm not sure how to fix it or even if I CAN fix it. I know the people that may read this or even those who know me that won't read this would disagree if they saw it. "Devon, you're so great. You're such a good guy. Any girl would be lucky to have you." Yeah, any girl but them. They all say the same thing, and then none of them want me. I mean I'm grateful for the support and kindness, but let's all just face facts here. No matter how "good" or "great" someone may SAY I am, when even THEY don't want to date me, there's something not being said or confronted. I'm just writing this to say IT'S OKAY. I KNOW. We don't need to pretend anymore. I AM coming to terms with this whole "I'm gonna be alone forever" thing, and it's okay. Due to my personality I am a great friend just not a boyfriend. And that's just fine. :)
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1 comment:
this is a sad story :( no one should be alone for their whole life. i am sure that you will find someone! everyone has someone out there!!
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